Eight Months Later

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My cousin has lost his partner. Can’t say if I met her but possibly have from other family gatherings. All around people lose someone close to them or like me at this time know someone close to them.
I hear of others I know/knew or envied. The biggest question, why? It’s destined for all of us. The bigger question, how? I for one hope to go peacefully with no suffering. The biggerer question, when? We don’t know.
Over the last decade I’ve been effected by more human loses then what I’ve ever lost in the first thirty seven years of my life. I guess age contributes to more of family and friends passing on. Daddy left eighteen years ago, his last laugh causing Bardy to bark looking up to the ceiling at him, really? A Chihuahua can see the soul waving good bye?
A mystery with so many theories are not answered to us, the living. I don’t believe we are allowed to know though whatever we believe_in or don’t believe_in is left to be found out when we go. I want to know all unanswered questions when I go too, otherwise I’ll be writing to the heavenly ombudsman headquarters base office.

Kevin shouldn’t have moved on when he did or how he did. Nor the thousand of other cancer victims, such as dad in 1996, shouldn’t have either, but why is it so? Kevin passed away three days after getting back to Ceduna. He was sitting up in bed doing crosswords and things like nothing was wrong, I missed seeing that and wished I was there with him. Dad was the same, be down one day with very thin chances, then be up doing a jig around the house in high spirits the next day.
I once thought, which still crosses my mind at times, that death is just the end. Few things have made me think different, Bardy barking up to the ceiling was a start.

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A good friend I called out to through his back door checking on his welfare as from not hearing from for a little while was found deteriorated two weeks later He came and spoke to me in the middle of the night and woke me fright.
Dreams of people that should be pushing up daisies have seemed realistic living a different life somewhere else.

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We have to move on, keep with us memories that were joy full, the bad things didn’t really happen, it’s just a figment of the brain that should be taken out emotionally or worse case scenario, surgerically.
I don’t want to suffer from each loss, I want to continue with great memories of the lost ones. Though saying “Lost” I don’t feel they are, I don’t think death is the end as I once did. If it’s not a new place then the lost ones are here with us possibly riding their bikes pass as another life. Living as another being, bug, monkey, weed, oxygen, coke can, the tree that the community planted to bring more nature into suburban areas or at least a drop of that water you will drink as soon as you earned a thirst. They are there.

For Peter and Family
The way you questioned about Why you lost your partner inspired me to write this.

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After seeing my brother Kevin in hospital I posted my thoughts on Facebook.

Today I seen horror. It was expected. Last week my older sister messaged me to call her. Knowing something was not right I rang and received the news from a teary voice.
My fifty three year old older brother was given a day to a week to live. Fucking cancer!!!
Throughout the last week the news changed to hope to no hope and still up and down both ways now.
Family and friends had been and gone to visit my brother. Being interstate made it hard and frustrating not being there all this time.
I know he wants to see us all, so do I.
I knew I would be in for a shock and I was. Today as we walked down the corridor toward his room and looking at other patients in their own crooked conditions, I knew this wasn’t going to be nice.
Outside my brothers room we scrubbed our hands with the disinfected lotion and you could see him laying back, mouth wide open from of hard breathing.
I had chills and possibly goosebumps, but I didn’t check for bumps though chills were definitely there. We walked in and toward his bed.

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My god! My brothers an Ethiopian! There was nothing on him!!!
He spotted our older brother first and smiled. Then looked at me and with out any facial expression change.
They shook hands, I shook hands and asked the stupid, ‘how are you?’ ‘Oh sick, it’s why I’m here,’ or maybe he didn’t say that.
He stayed quite contempt with our visit. My younger sister playing nurse gave him his water bottle that he drank from a straw and didn’t take much or seem to enjoy it even.
I don’t want to say it’s the end of him. I don’t want it to be. Looking at him though I need to believe it will be. I don’t think there’s hope. Being optimistic though, if he changes and walks out of that room it would be the greatest thing since that person invented sliced bread then gave another person the idea of inventing toast, plus another million great things.

I feel hopeless and helpless though in what I can do. I wish I had the power to pay for one of those secret government doctors with that top secret medical injection to rid the fucking disease and let him walk out of that room. But I don’t.
Kevin Shakey Johnson, in this time I want things to change. Fight the horrid thing, get well again, blow up some more balloons, write more music. Entertain everyone with your magic, songs, humour, give it all back to him.
I miss the brother you were. I hate the ill you. Hate anyone in that condition. Well, not the person, but the fucking demon that does it to the person/persons/ah… people.
Take care my brother. We all love you.…

P.S. This is not an anti-cancer campaign. This is real. Though I support the work and effort people put in to find a cure, I think the fucking disease shouldn’t exist, to many suffered, people with it, their family’s and friends and God has got a lot to answer to, or maybe just Tony Abbott.

I had an overwhelming response.

Nicole
Thinking of u all , I’m so sorry guys , horrible illness , much love and thoughts to u and the family . Love Nicole and sharyn and family xo
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Kylie
We have a spare room at our place if anyone needs to stay if traveling from interstate. God bless and thinking of the family at this awful time xo
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Carmel
Kylie he is going back to Ceduna via the flying doctor. This is where he wants to be. Thankyou for the offer
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Leone
love, hugs & prayers to you all. xx
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Andrew
I’m at Erin right now Kylie, going back to Adelaide sometime this morning
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Susan
Sending love to all of you, know that you are all in my thoughts, much love xxxxxxxxx
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Carmel
Let him know we would all love to be with him and constantly thinking of him. Hate being here knowing I may never see him again.
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Wendy
You are all in my thoughts especially Kevin, sending kisses, hugs & love, to every one
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Colleen
I’m so very sorry….xxxx
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Maureen
Couldn’t have said it better Andrew. And then Carmel – would love to come back but I guess it’s not all about me. Andrew tell him I’m glad he’s going home and hope the journey is ok.
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Debbie
Our prayers and thoughts are with u all xx
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Dingo
Sending heartfelt caring thoughts to you all with you all in my prayers.
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Shaun
Sending strength and love from us to you mate!!
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Lee
Beautifully said Andrew thinking of you all at this sad time
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Andrew
I’m sure Kevin knows carmel and Maureen. Though telling him over and over doesn’t hurt either. Erin mentioned about Kevan coming over and Kevin was commenting about how great that was.
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts. Still not over but at least we’ll be prepared.
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Carmel
too true Maureen, it is not about us and love to see him in the place he wants to be. Still hurts even though just want the best for him.
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Leah
My thoughts and prayers are with you and all the family. Xxx such a sad story.
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Charrise
Sending you all, my strength and courage. It is not easy. Love to you all! xx
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Darran
Shakey has always been a friend to us at the Thevevard Hotel, wishing him and all your family the best in this horrible time…
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Patrick
Big love to Kevin and to the whole family xxxx
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Andrew
Shakey wants go back to Ceduna Darran and is waiting on the flying doctor to take him there.
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Michelle
woah Andrew so sorry to hear thiking of all of yous xxxxx
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Jim
Devastating news..Carmel just told me. I have many fond memories of Kev.
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Dean
The flying doctor is working on making Kevin’s final wish come true. If you are in the position to support the RFD Then please do so. Kevin was always a simple man not wanting the toys or the possessions the world offered he is a giver. His final wish is simple. Let’s pray he is well enough to receive it
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Jim
Kev is a very creative soul with a great sense of humour, although I haven’t seen him in a long time, I have recently discovered that he has kept his music happening. check it out https://soundcloud.com/kev-loosely

Kev Loosely
soundcloud.com
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Dean
He is very proud of his sound cloud. So is Kahlia. Everyone take a moment to listen to kevs view of the world.
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Andrew
I’m sure he has more. We talked about it yesterday.
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Danielle
Very well put andrew … Prayers for a miracle thinking of you all from my family to yours sorry to hear.
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Tara-lee
:,-( send my love
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Beverley
Andrew i am so very sorry to hear about Shakey give him my regards and my best wishes to you also i have fond memories of Shakey the clown.
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Andrew
Kevin seemed more chirpy and alert today but not entirely. I gave him everyone’s love and wishes and he shown an appreciation to that. He could be leaving Adelaide to Ceduna today or tomorrow pending on the flying doctor. Just hope it happens for him as it’s his wish to go there.
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Andrew
Of course you do Beverley
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Beverley
I will cross my fingers and say a little prayer he makes back to Ceduna xxx
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Gordana
Love to all
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Robyn
Beautiful sentiments Andrew! I can only imagine what you are all going through and it must be breaking all your hearts. Thinking of u all at this awful time and just hope that Kevin is comfortable – I so hate this dreadful disease: so unfair!!! Xxx
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Andrew
Thanks Robyn
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Anna
Andrew this was so moving and real and beautifully expressed. I remember Keven and his wit and his cheeky smile….My thoughts are with you and the rest of the Johnson clan right now xxx
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Andrew
Thanks Anna, hope you’re doing well and your family
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Jared
Well said Andrew Johnson I wish I could have stayed for longer it’s hard to see him like that thou he still showed his personality and had a joke and a lough and also told us how much of a beautiful place Ceduna is so I hope he can find the strength to make it home like he found the strength to shake my hand and tell me he will come see us soon. Good luck kev I hope your wish comes true
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Dean
Sadly I think its clear there is no cure, if there was one at this time, iPhone 6 would be made by Steve jobs he had more money than most, I believe they ran tests on Kevin to try work out why he was attacked so hard and so fast, maybe a little comfort we can all share is what they learn might bring them closer for future generations so they don’t have to face the hell we are all suffering right now.
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Andrew
Steve Jobs refused treatment though Dean
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Andrew
Kevin’s left for Ceduna. He was eating, drinking and joking lastnight. It’s all what we hear from now on and he last for a long time, let’s hope the suffering isn’t to much.
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Dean
are you still in Adelaide Andrew Johnson
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Andrew
No, in Horsham. Came back yesterday after seeing Kevin again
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Carmel
Kevin has arrived in Ceduna and is now in the hospital there.
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Carmel
He is comfortable and friends have visited
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Julie
Thinking of you all, so sad and traumatic … My love to Kevin and all of you
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Carmel
apparently he did perk up as soon as he hit the tarmac at Ceduna, Had a yoghurt drink and has been chatty all day/
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Dean
Is kaliah there yet?
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Carmel
she was arranging a car to leave either today or tomorrow, but from the message she sent not yet, she had passed on a message that was sent from Ceduna
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JodieandDarran
Thinking of you all xo
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Mei Sheong
Condolences to Kevin’s family/friends…

After my post and replies I was feeling a little stronger and better. This was a month ago. Kevin has passed away when he got back to Ceduna where he wanted to go.
I will be updating with what’s happened up to now.

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